


Beyond The Line

by deaded_blush



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Explicit Sexual Content, Fix-It, Future Fic, Happy Ending, M/M, Not My Steve, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, bucky barnes has a cat, bucky deserves better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 14:00:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18757855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deaded_blush/pseuds/deaded_blush
Summary: Steve fuckingsmiles.Like it's good to see him again. Like he has already said his goodbyes to Bucky and moved on. Despite the fact Bucky’s never got the chance to do the same.Steve's at the end of the line while Buck's still stuck in the middle.*Post-Endgame AU in which Bucky gets the happy ending (and Steve) that he deserves… well, after a reasonable amount of angst and feels.





	Beyond The Line

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [До конца и дальше](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20638667) by [fandom_SteveBucky_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_SteveBucky_2019/pseuds/fandom_SteveBucky_2019), [tomix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomix/pseuds/tomix)



> I offer you my response to the last five minutes of Endgame. Let me fix the _#notmysteve_ problem with _#mysteve_ solution and hopefully, it'll mend our hearts at least a little.
> 
> HUGE ASS THANK YOU to a wonderful beta [Jay Pendragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayPendragon/pseuds/JayPendragon). I love you 3000 and I could have never polished it to this level without you, my dear ♥♥♥
> 
> PS: This gets angsty but I promise even if it doesn't look like it at first, it has a happy ending! :3  
> PPS: For some reason, Ao3 ignores all my italics and bold text after first few paragraphs and I have no idea how to fix it. I'm sorry
> 
> Enjoy!

_"Don't do anything stupid until I get back."_

_"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."_

Are those words supposed to make him smile? Assure him that the five years haven’t changed anything at all? 

If they are, they fail. 

Bucky finds himself reciting the reply over and over like an empty phrase rather than what it’s really supposed to mean. He can’t shake the prickling suspicion that Steve said it because he thinks it’s what Bucky wants to hear.

Not because Steve means it.

After everything, this is probably the point where Bucky should be bold enough to hope that for once, everything would go according to plan. The punk'd be gone for five seconds, he'd get his ass back and they could finally talk. _Really_ talk.

Aliens, space, mad titans, alternate universes and whatnot, it all made Hydra and SHIELD’s ‘bickering’ pale in comparison. And despite the magnitude of the threat they faced, the Avengers won. They did it.

Steve did it.

For the first time, _everyone_ is safe. 

Steve can put away the shield, Bucky can put away the gun – not that either of them knows how to function without them, but they can figure it out together.

It doesn’t matter. Steve's gotta bring the stones back, first. 

Although Steve’s arms wrap around him, something’s missing. Bucky’s not sure what, but he knows it is. Something that used to always be there, something he took for granted.

"I'm gonna miss you, buddy."

It slips out. Bucky’s body seems to know what’s about to happen before his brain can fully process it and the subtle fear that's been hiding in the background takes on a clear shape. The way Steve touches him – it's not what Bucky remembers. He grips his friend a fraction tighter but it's over too soon. 

Almost like Steve's in a hurry.

It's a farewell.

Or is it?

"It's gonna be okay, Buck," Steve assures him and hope tugs on the corners of Bucky’s lips again.

Steve must have sensed his doubts. Steve’s not leaving. Bucky trusts him. Has Steve ever lied to him? Has he ever left his side? No. He said it's gonna be okay.

So it gotta be okay.

Only… It's not.

The time machine snaps but no one’s standing on the platform.

Bucky smiles bitterly, facing away while even his metal hand tingles with something unpleasant. The sensation spreads through his body – feeling like Thanos snapped his fingers again.

Vibranium fist clenching in the pocket of his jacket, jaw clenching with denial. 

How, how can he lose Steve _now_? Why didn't he ask the punk to go together? Even if he wanted to stay in the past, just so Bucky could _witness_ it. 

That's what they do, they watch each other's six. 

And for once, nothing’s preventing them from doing just that, so why didn't they say anything, why didn't he learn to use words, why didn't he –

A man is sitting on the bench. A very familiar man. 

Bucky could have never mistaken that silhouette for anyone else. 

He knows who sits there by the lake. His lips part while Bruce’s and Sam’s perturbed voices melt into the loud ringing in Bucky’s ears. 

Did something go wrong, or has Steve lied for the first time in their lives? 

Bucky fears he knows the answer.

He has no idea how to name half of the emotions that sweep through him in that one second.

"Sam." 

Since when is it so hard to pronounce three letters without choking? 

Bucky’s not sure but he can't possibly tear his eyes away from the man who’s just _sitting_ there. 

Like he’s waiting for them. Like he's past worrying _or_ caring. Like he's someone who’s at peace with everything, simply watching the events unfurl with no need to interfere because he's at the end of the line while Buck's still stuck in the middle.

His feet refuse to move and it's only when Sam walks forward that he somehow manages to follow. Each suffocating step makes him shrink. Bucky's certainly not the one to complain or whine about pain but this hurts almost on a physical level the more his eyes take in. 

Steve's old. 

He's smiling, Bucky can see that even from behind. The way his ears move a tiny bit up when Steve does is burned into his mind. 

Not from the tattered memories Hydra has left behind but the clear, new ones they’ve made together in Wakanda each time the punk came to visit. Back when they only had each other. When they dreamed about a day when they could actually enjoy it and Bucky’s missing fingers itched to _touch_ him.

That day was today. But Steve doesn’t seem to be sharing the same dream anymore.

_What have you done?_

Bucky can see the subtle smile tugging on the corners of Sam’s lips. So alien, so contradicting to Bucky’s inner storm that it makes him want to turn around and run.

Back to Hydra, back to any still-operating base that would have him, so he could fall on his knees and beg for the chair. Let them rip his other arm off, let them do _anything _if it only meant they’d erase his memory.__

___Forget everything ever since Washington as easily as Steve did._ _ _

__It does physically hurt when he forces a smile._ _

__"Go ahead.”_ _

__Sam nods, taking a step forward, but Bucky doesn't recognize his own voice. Too quiet and gravelly to pass for _Bucky_. _ _

___Too much like the Winter Soldier._ _ _

__Sam steps forward, joining the old man on the bench._ _

__Bucky’s left to just watch._ _

__He hopes his gasp is inaudible when Steve speaks for the first time._ _

__Suddenly the reality punches him square in the face._ _

__It doesn't take a genius to know what's in the circular case and once Steve hands it to Sam, Bucky catches a glimpse of the wedding ring on one of the wrinkled fingers._ _

__Speaking from his own experience, having an arm sawed off hurts less._ _

__Bucky yearns to say something, can feel the words at the back of his throat – but he knows he should just shut the hell up, swallow them down and go to Steve. Playfully punch him in the shoulder and tease him like he used to back in the '40s with a smirk on his lips because Steve deserves to be happy._ _

__Because he's done more than enough for more people than should be possible. Steve saw his chance at happiness – he took it._ _

__Bucky shouldn't be angry. He’d do the same thing, wouldn’t he? If he could go back to 1940 and desert, run away from the war and Hydra, from all of that, he would._ _

___Right?_ _ _

__The longer he rolls it over in his mind, the clearer the answer is._ _

__If he had run, he’d have taken Steve with him, and Steve would never have become Captain America. No matter how much shit that brought upon them, it’s still better than the alternative._ _

__He'd rather see old Steve with a wrinkly smile, sitting on the bench and a wedding ring that belonged to someone else, than watch an asthmatic, scrawny Steve get through the hundredth fever of the year._ _

__But Steve... He doesn't even turn around. Perhaps he doesn't know Bucky's standing there. Or perhaps he _does_. _ _

__The sound of vibranium scraping as Bucky clenches his fist catches him off guard._ _

__They’re looking at him._ _

___Both_ looking._ _

__It's just a small summer breeze that blows Bucky's hair off his face but it feels like a hurricane, stealing all the air from his lungs and shutting down any words that want to come out before they can be even turned into a sound._ _

__He reads the concern in Sam's face but that's not what he's looking at._ _

__Bucky’s eyes lock with Steve's, lacking the blue storm he knows so well. The one that's always been there, even before all the super-soldier crap. There's only a hint of that color now._ _

__It’s drowned in the grey hues, filling the calm eyes of a man who has come to know peace Bucky could never even dream about. And Steve smiles at him._ _

___He fucking smiles._ _ _

__Like it's good to see him again. Like he has already said his goodbyes to Bucky and moved on. Despite the fact Bucky’s never got the chance to do the same._ _

__Not when he fell from the train._ _

__Not when he turned to dust._ _

__Now the punk's smiling at him like he doesn't know what he's done. Bucky feels the last droplets of hope squeezed out of him as he forces a smile in return._ _

__And although forced, it _does_ meet his eyes. _ _

__Because Steve deserves happiness. Steve always has and it's honestly the only thing Bucky’s ever wished for, even before the war._ _

___Steve always comes first._ _ _

__Which doesn't mean it’s not breaking his fucking heart._ _

__"Hey, punk," he chuckles._ _

__And he doesn't know why, but it makes Steve's smile widen, deepening his wrinkles. Bucky can't recall a more bittersweet moment in his life._ _

__"Jerk."_ _

__Steve nods with kind eyes and Bucky thanks whatever entity runs this shitshow that it's the moment Steve looks back at the lake. Because he can hold that pretentious yet oddly real smile only for so long._ _

__‘Jerk,’ he called him, as if nothing has changed._ _

__Bucky gulps down the lump in his throat, tremors echoing through his body._ _

__Only Steve ever managed to make him ache with every fiber of his being. He hoped one day, Steve would make him ache in a _different_ way. _ _

___Which was beyond moronic to think._ _ _

__Because honestly, what the hell was he thinking? To compete with Peggy? Yes, sure, they were both tossed into this new world. After waking up from the haze of the Asset, Bucky was entirely lost. It was Steve who showed him the way. It was him who refused to give up on Bucky. He was the only thing left for Steve. His bridge, his only connection to the old life._ _

__Bucky understands. He was Steve’s only option._ _

__As soon as the second option showed up, though..._ _

__It's Peggy. It's always been, Peggy._ _

__Bucky should be fucking grateful for Steve not giving up on him while there was nothing but winter within his mind. He should be happy for the son of a bitch to get the best option he could instead of settling with Bucky only because circumstances didn't allow otherwise._ _

__He should be happy._ _

___He fucking should..._ _ _

__He’s gotta be, it's what friends do._ _

__And he needs to stay. Until Steve goes back to his alternate universe, timeline, whatever the hell that thing is, or until Steve's last day._ _

__Bucky's his best friend._ _

___He wanted to be so much more._ _ _

__He's his best friend..._ _

___Stay. Stay, Barnes, don't you fucking move._ _ _

__But if he stays, he's going to say something hella stupid and that's not what Steve deserves. That wouldn't be fair…_ _

___Stay, goddammit._ _ _

__It's not fucking fair._ _

___STAY._ _ _

__Sam and Steve turn around again but Bucky’s not there to meet their eyes._ _

__

__///_ _

__

__**THREE YEARS LATER** _ _

__

__There'll never be anything as effective as Hydra's chair._ _

__Sometimes Buck closes his eyes and just tries his hardest to recall the electric current flowing through him, hurting everything inside. Destroying memory after memory._ _

___What he would give just to sit in that chair again._ _ _

__"Hmph..." The smirk on his lips is bitter._ _

___Seems like Steve wasn't the only one clinging to the past._ _ _

__He died – Steve._ _

__Stayed in their timeline. Probably with Sam, Bucky's not sure. He’d hate to make him feel guilty or somehow responsible for all the poor decisions he's made ever since Stark’s funeral._ _

__The first time they – _Steve_ – tried to contact him, was also the last time they talked. He didn't pressure Bucky to come back to the new compound. Just told him to take care. That he hoped he'd live a _good life...__ _

__It cost Bucky all his self-control to wait until Steve had hung up so he could smash that fucking phone against the wall._ _

__The second time it was Sam, trying to get him back to the new Avengers._ _

__And to attend Steve's _funeral_._ _

__Bucky spent three days replaying the message over and over again before he finally deleted it from the archive, wishing it was that easy to delete his own memories, too._ _

__If Natalia had been here, she'd have understood. She’d have understood it’s not easy to bury the darkness within. That when you’re stripped of all the light, it’s the pitch black you’re left with._ _

__They used to talk in Russian for hours every time the Quinjet landed in Wakanda._ _

__Bucky _misses it_._ _

__He’d visit her grave for a little chat but… Even though there is a memorial, he knows there’s no body. No real point going there._ _

__Buck shakes his head, intensively glaring at the pasta softening in the boiling water._ _

__It's been three years now._ _

__There’s only one place he still needs to visit. To leave the past in the past._ _

__Steve’s grave. And he’ll go there – today._ _

__He can’t keep hiding from it. Bucky can move on. He can forget._ _

___Just like Steve did._ _ _

__Which is exactly why he has become a shining example of procrastination. Why his _‘today’_ has lasted for two weeks now. _ _

__Cause he’s so fucking ready._ _

__" _Meow!_ "_ _

__Bucky glares at the ginger furball sprawled on the kitchen rug after a failed attempt to reach for his socks._ _

__"You don't like pasta," he grumbles, returning his attention to the stove._ _

__Bucky turns it off and pours the penne into the colander._ _

__He's not really hungry. Not at all. But he thought he could just make a dinner – do one more thing – before he goes._ _

__Another _meow_ is thrown at him and this time it rings somewhere along the _‘JUST FUCKING GO’_ lines. _ _

__Well, Ivana is right about one thing. The sooner he gets his ass moving, the sooner he can get over it._ _

__The little shit rubs against his legs, pressing the front of her head against his ankles and Bucky picks her up. Scratching under her neck is rewarded by purring – that sound alone was enough of a reason to get a cat._ _

__Even though it’s not exactly a talking racoon, it’s pretty close._ _

__"Alright, smartass."_ _

__Bucky puts her down, getting a can of cat food to put in her bowl before scratching Ivana's head one more time._ _

__It takes a lot of effort not to think about what he's actually doing as he puts on his boots and black leather jacket but – eventually – he finds himself locking the door to his apartment._ _

___In Brooklyn_._ _

__Sometimes he wonders if he's really that good at hiding or if the new Avengers simply ignore him out of courtesy._ _

__With both Steve and Natalia gone, there really isn’t a place for him. Maybe with Sam, but Sam – just like Steve – wouldn't be proud of his new job. Everyone gets by the best they can, right? If the best thing he can do is to hold a weapon, why would he stop now that there's nothing else left?_ _

__He's only heard stories about how the world worked for the five years that half of humanity was gone. Not that it matters, cause barely a year after Thanos was defeated, the world was back to its shitty self._ _

__Fortunately, it came with jobs for those like Bucky._ _

__He doesn't keep most of the money he makes, not because of his _good heart_ but because he simply doesn't need it. He’s not trying to scrape together enough to buy himself redemption or a second chance. The point is in the job itself – to forget. _ _

__That's his high._ _

__Doesn't matter that he feels worse after each time because there is no chair to wipe the consequences away, but it's the best shot he got by far._ _

__Would T'Challa want to kill him if he knew Bucky’s using his gift to take lives again? Well, Shuri would be pretty fucking disappointed, that’s for sure._ _

__The questions twirl inside his head as he gets closer and closer to Steve's grave._ _

__If Steve knew what he’s done with his life, Bucky sure as hell would be on the receiving end of one of his most severe ‘I Am Disappointed In You’ looks..._ _

___But Steve's not there to give his Captain speeches anymore, is he?_ _ _

__It makes him smirk as he gets off his motorcycle and approaches the white stone. The thought that he's probably gonna have an easier time conversing with a gravestone than he'd have with Steve himself is morbidly amusing._ _

__The place's nice – near the old Avengers facility._ _

__They didn't rebuild it since Thanos blew it into oblivion, but there's a nice monument. The whole area has been converted into a park, complete with trimmed grass, benches, trees, and whatnot._ _

__But Ivana is right._ _

__Today – or, well, tonight's the night. He'll say what he's been keeping to himself ever since Steve had the guts to just sit on that stupid bench and smile. He'll say it out loud and just like that, it will all go away._ _

__He’ll move on._ _

__Bucky exhales deeply, standing three feet from the gravestone. Hands clutched in his pockets._ _

__"I can't believe I'm do--" he starts with a crooked smile and never gets to finish._ _

__The sound of a portal opening, the energy that makes Bucky’s hair stand up on his nape is so familiar, so real it has adrenaline spiking through his body faster than he can blink._ _

__He came here to forget, but instead it all just comes back._ _

__The last _real_ hug with Steve. Thanos stepping through the portal._ _

__The only idiot in the world that would grab the Titan by his fingers and try to fight him with his bare hands._ _

__How much it burned his lungs when he tried to run to them as fast as he could._ _

__The tingling sensation that makes him sick and paralyzed because he expects his limbs to turn into dust._ _

__" _Steve...?!_ " _ _

__Bucky’s brain barely _processes_ but his mouth’s already at work. To say the picture in front of him is _shocking_ would be a terrible understatement._ _

__Because sure as hell – there is no alien army coming from the blue portal. No Thanos with the gauntlet, ready to snap his ass into oblivion._ _

__He expects anything but what he sees –_ _

__Steve._ _

__Young, in his dark Captain America suit. Bleeding gorgeous face and messy blond hair, pushing up from the ground in a way Bucky's seen too many times._ _

__Steve sways backward slightly but gains his balance easily enough and Bucky can almost hear _‘I can do this all day’_ following. _ _

__"Bucky?"_ _

__It's the voice Bucky remembers._ _

__Not the distant murmur of a man on the bench. The blue storm that still sparkles in Steve’s eyes feels like a kick to the stomach when the moron on the other side sprints toward him._ _

__That’s the moment Bucky’s brain refuses to cooperate._ _

__Steve grinds to a halt the moment he’s through the portal – lips parted, chest rising heavily – and narrows his eyes at Bucky in an expression he remembers all too well._ _

__He's almost tempted to call Steve _'punk'_ and tell him to stop hurting his brain by thinking. _ _

__The portal closes behind Steve with a tremor in the air and he turns around sharply in alarm. He’s obviously expecting danger from every direction, in full-on _Cap Mode_ – they've been through enough that Bucky would recognize it anywhere._ _

__Steve takes in the surroundings, scanning for enemies._ _

___Until his eyes settle on Bucky again._ _ _

__"Is this the Soul Stone?"_ _

__His breathing slows down but his body remains tense. The words don't make sense in Bucky's ears – nothing does at this point. But Steve isn’t moving and all Bucky manages is to shake his head no._ _

__Steve looks around one more time, then his body relaxes as he rubs his face with a dirty hand. It lingers over his mouth as he holds back a laugh, or a sob – Bucky's not sure. Finally, Steve’s attention fully shifts to him and stays._ _

__"Bucky?" he asks again but this time it sounds like it's not really a question._ _

__Bucky blinks, takes a step back while Steve heads towards him – the hurry more prominent with each step he takes._ _

__Bucky’s unable to get his wide eyes to look away._ _

__Why is this Steve looking at him the way Bucky always wished _his_ Steve would have when he saw him again after the snap? Why are there more emotions behind his eyes than Bucky ever heard from Steve's lips in his entire life? Why is he – why is he spreading his arms?_ _

__"Buck!"_ _

__That last one sounds almost like a sob but it's not like Bucky can really try to decode it cause – sure as hell – those ridiculously muscular arms are wrapped around his frame and Buck’s whole body shuts down._ _

__That is _before_ Steve's lips press against his._ _

__"God, I thought I'd lost you, I thought..." Steve rambles – actually crying as his fingers pet Bucky’s cheek, his face held in Steve's hands._ _

__He doesn't hear the rest of what Steve's saying. The buzzing in his ears is too loud – like a fucking canon just fired next to him._ _

__Steve leans closer to kiss him again…_ _

__This time, Bucky's body simply _acts_._ _

__The vibrations from the impact as he punches Steve right in the jaw goes through the vibranium of his fingers, making Bucky let out a shuddering breath. Steve stumbles a step backwards, giving Bucky enough space to plant a foot against his chest and _kick_._ _

__When Steve looks at him – from the ground – it finally mirrors Bucky’s own confusion._ _

__Steve's eyes glance to Bucky's metal arm – like he’s making sure it's not the Winter Soldier he's dealing with – then he stands up, slow and raising his hands in surrender._ _

__"Bucky..." he cooes, like Buck's an animal that needs to be placated and it makes him take another step back – only proving Steve’s point._ _

__"I-It's me. It's Steve." The man in front of him tries to smile, blood drips from his split lip and the trembling only gets worse._ _

___I fucking know it’s you, Steve – that’s the problem!_ _ _

__"The fuck are you doing here?"_ _

__It comes out strangled and whatever Steve wants to reply, he doesn't say it. His eyes dart somewhere behind Bucky for a brief second and stay there. The bruised face twists._ _

__A face of a man staring at his own grave._ _

___Steven Grant Rogers, 1918 – 2024_ _ _

__"What...?" Steve's whisper would go unheard if not for Bucky's enhanced hearing._ _

__"Ca-CAP?! Mr. Barnes – WAIT!"_ _

___Oh God. The Avengers must have caught the energy shift from the portal._ _ _

__“Captain, sir! Wait for me!”_ _

__The Pipsqueak swings his way to the edge of the treeline – despite his superpowers the kid looks like he's about to trip over any moment. He hurries towards them and Bucky knows better than to just let it happen._ _

__Parker's rambling haunts him to this day after all the time he spent with the kid in the Soul Stone._ _

__"Queens?" Steve turns around – he couldn’t sound more perplexed even if he tried. It snaps Bucky back to reality._ _

__Steve – from _wherever-the-fuck_ he came from – remembers Parker, too. He remembers everything. _ _

__Nice. Wonderful. Splendid. Bucky can get the fuck outta there._ _

__"H-hey, Mr. Barnes, you remember me from the Stone! I said we’re stoned and you –"_ _

__If anything, it only makes Bucky run faster – that boy wouldn’t shut his mouth even under the water._ _

__Bucky hops on his bike, the engine roaring in the night even though it can't possibly be louder than his heart. He makes the mistake of looking back to see Parker helping Steve up and his eyes lock with the ocean-storm inside Steve's for the last time._ _

__He's back._ _

___Somehow_ he's back. And it's _his_ Steve. _ _

__But Bucky knows better than to expect anything's gonna change this time around._ _

__

__///_ _

__

__Two weeks ever since that goddamn portal opened and it doesn't make any more sense than it did that night. _‘How’_ and _‘why’_ have been the only two things occupying Bucky’s mind._ _

__Together with the searing touch of Steve's lips – still lingering on his._ _

__That’s not how it was supposed to happen._ _

___It WASN'T supposed to happen._ _ _

__Buck didn't see any mentions of Captain America’s magical return on social media so except for the Avengers, no one knows. Both Dr. Banner and Steve probably have an explanation for all the questions plaguing Bucky's mind, but he's not about to ask. He's hellbent to try his hardest to forget that night ever happened. Steve left him behind before, chose to _live_ instead of sharing any of it with Bucky. And that was just fucking FINE – after some time getting used to it. It wasn’t on Steve that he didn’t return the feelings Bucky had always kept hidden from him._ _

__Which is probably for the best cause it doesn’t matter how much it used to hurt – it would hurt so indescribably more if they were together and Steve decided to leave _after_._ _

__So why... _WHY_ the fuck does this Steve show up right when Bucky's ready to move on and act like there was an actual chance for them? That maybe, in some reality, Steve wouldn't choose Peggy over him? Why does he act like there was even a microscopic chance for them to ever be a thing?_ _

__No, Bucky doesn't really want to know. It’s not important how many questions that night raised, at least it provided Bucky with _one_ answer._ _

__For Steve, it’s been _five_ years. Five years of believing Bucky was gone for good. When Bucky came back…_ _

__Steve was past grieving._ _

__He had moved on, or he was at least close to doing so. Then Bucky returned and fucked it all up for him._ _

___Now he gets it._ _ _

__It’s nice and dandy to have an answer for the question that haunted him for three years but it doesn’t really _help_._ _

__If it wasn't for Ivana, Bucky wouldn't even leave his apartment. He can manage without food long enough. He just doesn't want to go outside knowing Steve's somewhere out there with some fairytale bullshit of a reason _why_._ _

__Maybe there's yet _another_ alternate universe where he was returning Infinity Stones. Maybe he just stumbled upon this timeline by accident. Maybe he's not even here anymore... _ _

___Yeah._ _ _

__Yes, that's a nice thought. Everything's the way it was, the way Bucky’s learned to cope with._ _

__He decides to believe it and closes his eyes, letting Ivana's purring fill his ears – a more effective recipe for falling asleep than any pills._ _

__He's drifting away when the doorbell rings and Ivana's the first to get up – jumping off his lap to properly stretch in front of the couch. Bucky's eyes reluctantly settle on the door, feeling like he knows who's behind it. He's even more reluctant to stand up._ _

__The doorbell goes off a second time and Bucky picks up his P220 Legion – the silencer already on it._ _

__Bucky keeps the pistol behind his back as he slowly approaches the door – there's still a chance it's someone who wants him dead... or the janitor. Both of them fall in the same category._ _

__He clicks the safety off and –_ _

__"Hey, Barnes. I know you're in there. You wanna open the door? I don't feel particularly safe in this hallway. The lights ain't working."_ _

__It's Sam._ _

__The air leaves his lungs rapidly in relief and he turns on the safety again, shoving the gun back in the drawer. That doesn't mean he's gonna open the door, however._ _

__He didn't spend three years avoiding any contact with the past Avenger just to –_ _

__“You know, I can hear the TV’s on. C’mon, man. Open the door."_ _

__Bucky looks over his shoulder at a random cat video playing on YouTube and curses silently in Russian._ _

__He leans against the wall, closing his eyes. Whatever Sam wants, it has either something to do with Steve _OR_ Bucky's job. _ _

__He's not in the mood for either of those conversations._ _

__"You want me to apologize for Germany? Alright, I'll apologize for Germany."_ _

__He can hear Sam smiling and it _hurts_. _ _

__"I am so, so deeply sorry I didn't move my seat, man."_ _

__The chuckle at the end is barely contained and Bucky can't – doesn't want to – fight the smile tugging on his own lips. He doesn't laugh but the huff of air that escapes through his nose is as close as he can get to it._ _

__"Couldn't be worse than that awkward kiss, you know," Bucky rasps with a bitter smile but a smile nonetheless._ _

__He can practically see Sam's blinding smile._ _

__"I hear you, brother."_ _

__They chuckle together._ _

__"Now, open the door, c'mon."_ _

__It sounds almost playful and Bucky gives up._ _

___How bad can it be?_ _ _

__Besides, it's not like he could hide here forever. He always knew it was just a question of time before one of the Avengers would find him. If not to stop him, at least to _‘check on him’_. And if not for Steve, for Natalia. _ _

__Which is why he always thought it would be Barton who'd find him first._ _

__Bucky sighs, pushing himself off the wall. Ivana's curiously approaching as his flesh fingers wrap around the doorknob and he opens, pressing his lips together to give Sam the only smile he can._ _

__But…_ _

__It freezes the second his eyes meet the blue behind Sam._ _

__It’s as fast as any survival reflex – Bucky slams the door shut, ignoring the _‘Dude!’_ and _‘C’mon!’_ from the other side. _ _

__His back presses against the wooden surface, the unexpected panic bubbling in his chest._ _

__He didn't want to see him _again_. Steve wasn't supposed to still be here. Bucky doesn't want to have this conversation, he doesn't want to know what Steve has to say because it changes _nothing_._ _

__It’s Peggy. It’s always been Peggy. End of the sto–_ _

___End of the line._ _ _

__"Buck, please. I just wanna talk..."_ _

__He's so not prepared to hear that voice. So close, he could swear Steve's lips are brushing against the hard surface of the door. So easy to imagine they brush against Bucky's neck instead..._ _

__"Уходи."_ _

__"Bucky, please."_ _

__"Я сказал, уходи!"_ _

__He hears the long sigh from the other side, his own breath coming out rugged. Ivana meows in concern and tilts her head to the side. She’s staring._ _

__"You have a cat?"_ _

__The smile's audible in every syllable – how could Bucky ever forget the sound of it? He could name at least twenty different types of Steve's smile just from memory..._ _

__He wants the chair._ _

___He wants the fucking chair._ _ _

__"Merrow!"_ _

__"What's his name?"_ _

__How can he sound so kind? How can he sound so _Steve_? How can he _not_ know how much it hurts?_ _

__"Her. She."_ _

___Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_ _ _

__"Oh, my bad. What's the dame’s name, Buck?"_ _

__Metal fingers scratch the door, corrupting the wood._ _

__He can't have him back. It's not him. Even if it is, he'll leave eventually. That’s just the way it's supposed to be._ _

__He hears shuffling. Probably Sam. Cause Bucky – honest to God – _feels_ Steve's warmth radiating through the goddamn door as he patiently waits for an answer. _ _

__The long silence that follows would make any other person give up and walk away or pressure Bucky further._ _

__But not Steve. Steve just _waits_. _ _

__It’s not like Steve to give up on Bucky._ _

__"Ivana," Buck grumbles eventually and it feels like he just surrendered._ _

__He chooses to open his eyes after because the smile on Steve's lips – that’s sure as hell there – is too vivid in his mind._ _

__Ivana stands up, strolls to the living room and jumps on the window frame._ _

__She’s nice and comfy. And once again, she’s got a point._ _

__The sooner Bucky opens the door, the sooner this’ll be over._ _

__Sam's wide grin is the first thing to greet him when he does._ _

__"I knew you were gonna open the door."_ _

__"Shut up, Pigeon."_ _

__"Ouch. Not cool, man. Not cool."_ _

__Bucky has one more retort in store – feeling unrightfully like a sulking child under Steve's gaze – but Steve speaks first._ _

__"Can I come in?"_ _

__It's a polite question but with a _‘cut it – both of you’_ undertone that hits too close to home. _ _

__Too many memories of Steve's visits to Wakanda. Too much of Natalia petting his goats and Sam giving them names._ _

___Too much_._ _

__It takes twenty tense seconds before Bucky steps aside with a silent nod. He pretends he didn't see Steve's grateful smile as the mountain of muscles walks past him._ _

__"I'll leave you two to it!" Sam says, voice becoming louder after Bucky shut the door in his face – even though he’d seriously prefer Wilson inside his apartment._ _

__Damn, even talking to Stark would be easier than facing Steve right now._ _

__"You got a nice place, Buck," Steve hums from the living room, summoning Bucky's unimpressed eyes to him._ _

__Steve looks away, choosing to observe Ivana purring from the window frame but he's not the only one regretting their eyes met._ _

__Bucky takes in the whole picture of Steve for the first time in literally years and yeah..._ _

__It makes him _ache_ in every way. _ _

__Steve's handsome as ever. Hair brushed back in the same clean haircut he sported the last time Bucky saw the young Steve from his timeline. Wounds from two weeks ago already healed – not a single scratch on his stupid, flawless face._ _

__He's dressed casually albeit in black, which has never been Steve’s favorite color. It’s not like he can complain, thought, the tight, black, long-sleeve T-shirt leaves little to the imagination. Fits well with the jeans and army boots._ _

__Bucky wants to tell him they don't wear shoes in this household, that there’s a shoe shelf in the hallway. He wants to tell Steve he's gonna fuck up his carpet, but he doesn't._ _

__That would sound too much like something Steve would reprimand him for when they shared a flat back in the 40s._ _

__Steve walks over to the window, curling his fingers against Ivana's fur. Bucky still remembers how they felt on his cheeks..._ _

__The cat's purring intensifies and he shoots both of them a glare._ _

___Traitors._ _ _

__"She's pretty." Steve smiles at Ivana as she pushes her forehead against the back of his hand._ _

__Steve has always liked cats. He wanted to have one when they were living together. But Steve was allergic back then..._ _

__"I'm glad you had some company while –"_ _

__"Just get to the point, Steve." Bucky crosses his arms on his chest, feeling like he needs to put some barrier between them. “You wanted to talk – _talk_. What do you want?”_ _

__Steve leaves Ivana to licking the buds of her paws and returns his full attention to Bucky._ _

__Which – okay, fuck – it's too much and Bucky wishes he just let him do the small talk or play with his cat instead._ _

__He can't stand his eyes. The same eyes that promised – _‘It’s gonna be okay, Buck.’__ _

___Goddamn liar._ _ _

__"Well... With all honesty..." Steve sighs, licking his lips for a second before his eyes settle on Bucky again._ _

__Steve hesitates for five long seconds. Then he speaks._ _

__"You."_ _

__A beat._ _

__" _Jesusfuckingchrist,_ Steve..." Bucky groans, letting out an exasperated breath as he frowns at the fire staircase outside._ _

__He rubs his forehead – damn – he already knew _that_. Steve made that much clear by kissing him at the memorial._ _

__"You asked me –"_ _

__"You weren’t supposed to tell me!"_ _

__"I'm just being straight with you, Buck," Steve shrugs, pulling out puppy eyes and Bucky narrows his own to make it clear he’s not buying it._ _

__Whatever invisible armor this Steve wears, it fucking works cause he doesn't look away._ _

__"Something tells me you’re being anything _but_ straight with me."_ _

__That earns Bucky a few moments of freedom from Steve's intense gaze as the big moron genuinely laughs._ _

__In the end, it's Bucky – once again – who needs to look away. The last time he heard Steve laugh like this was in Wakanda..._ _

__"Okay, you win this round. But listen," Steve sounds nothing but kind, an embodiment of patience as he takes a few steps towards Bucky, the gap between them becoming smaller._ _

__"It doesn't matter whether you feel the same about me or I just got the wrong idea from the way Bucky in _my_ timeline acted. I want you, Buck. By my side, doesn’t matter how…”_ _

__A shadow briefly haunts Steve’s face. After a second, he continues._ _

__“I just got you back – the second chance, Buck. Till the end of the –"_ _

__" _Don’t,_ " Bucky's eyes flash, cutting Steve off as he raises his metal hand in a warning._ _

__"Don't you – dare – finish that sentence.”_ _

__He walks away from Steve, hands gripping his biceps as he keeps his arms folded. Steve ignores the orders – _again_. He closes the gap with a few long steps._ _

__His presence so palpable behind Bucky’s back._ _

__"Bucky..." He sighs. "Look, I've been here for a while now. I know what happened. I know about the snap."_ _

__Buck’s eyes begin to burn. He’s not sure when the last time he cried was._ _

__Steve goes on. "I know you never got the chance to say goodbye and –"_ _

__"No."_ _

__The word seeps through his teeth, practically growling. Bucky turns on his heels to finally meet Steve’s eyes, his gaze full of challenge, blame… and regret._ _

__"I _did_ get a chance to say goodbye. But I didn't say it. Wanna know why?" _ _

__Bucky leans closer, raggedly breathing the same air as Steve does. He never imagined to be this close to Steve._ _

__The right amount of closeness. For the entirely wrong reasons._ _

__"Because you told me it's gonna be okay. Because I thought you're coming back. But what did you do?! You _stayed_ in the fucking past – after everything we've been through – you lived your life and then had the guts to get your wrinkly ass back,” Bucky wildly gestures between the two of them, “to smile like you hadn’t betrayed everything we'd ever been!"_ _

__He’s shaking once he’s done. Feeling _raw_._ _

__This has been at the tip of his tongue for so long, ever since he saw Steve on the bench, but now that it’s finally out…_ _

__It leaves him nothing but hollow._ _

__"I know..."_ _

__The murmur turns Bucky’s limbs into ice._ _

__"But that wasn't _me_ , Buck." _ _

__Steve shakes his head, meeting Bucky's eyes once again. Bucky winces involuntary at what he sees in them._ _

__"Do you want to know how I ended up here?"_ _

__Bucky shakes his head no. Lips forming a thin line, eyes wandering to everything else _but_ Steve._ _

__"The first part was exactly the same as yours,” Steve starts, disregarding Bucky’s wish._ _

__“The snap, you disappearing in front of my eyes... Five years of me telling others to move on while I couldn't forget the sound of your voice. While I couldn't stop thinking about _what if_ there was a way to reverse it. Get everyone back."_ _

__One more step. Bucky’s back connects with the fridge._ _

__"So we tried and it happened. The chance was there. We traveled back, we got the stones… And we screwed it up."_ _

__Bucky hears only the thumping of his own heart when he looks up to see the shadows flickering across Steve's face._ _

__The following words come out almost cold – almost like a soldier, just giving his report._ _

___The only way he can even talk about it is to dissociate._ _ _

__"Bruce never got a chance to snap his fingers. Thanos attacked before we could even put the stones in. Natasha died for nothing. Tony's kid never got the chance to fight back, you never got the chance to chew my ass out for letting you die –"_ _

__Steve swallows a lump in his throat and shakes his head._ _

__"We made him sweat a bit but..."_ _

__Inhale – exhale._ _

__"I watched him kill Tony. Clint, Bruce, Thor... Everyone. I saw him snap his fingers for the second time and _this time_ , everyone was gone. I was the only one left. He said he wanted me to see it. Said my _‘reluctance to give up the lost battle is insufferable’_."_ _

__Well, the black clothes make sense now._ _

__Although, the bitter chuckle that follows is unexpected._ _

__"I told him I could do this all day and when I was about to attack, he sent me through the portal."_ _

__His shoulders seem lighter all of sudden. His posture, the way his lips curl, his eyes… There’s an incredible loss in them but also hope that Bucky's not sure he can let down._ _

__"So he just... _sent_ you here?" _ _

__Steve shrugs again with a sharp exhale._ _

__"I don't think it was intentional. Think he just wanted me floating through the space-time continuum, but... you know the rest."_ _

__Bucky lowers his arms, unable to look up. There’s too much to process._ _

__"Bucky."_ _

__Steve steps closer. His warm hand settles on Bucky’s flesh arm. This time he can't deny Steve and meets his gaze willingly._ _

__"What if there are bigger forces than this? What if there are things not even Thanos can control, not even with all the Infinity Stones?"_ _

__Bucky's not sure what exactly this jerk’s implying but feeling Steve's breath – close enough to brush against Bucky's lips – is pretty fucking _distracting_._ _

__"I know what this Steve did, I know he found his own second chance and took it, but... What if this – _you_ – what if you are _my_ second chance... Just like... I'm yours?"_ _

__A silence fills the space between them for three full beats._ _

__"Jesus, you're such a sap, you know that." Bucky groans breathlessly. "Where do you even –"_ _

__Steve's lips devour any words that were about to follow, successfully erase any and almost _all_ doubts. This time... This time Bucky isn’t shocked. He doesn't punch or kick._ _

__He lets it happen._ _

___What if this jerk’s right?_ _ _

__The second Bucky returns the kiss, it’s like Steve doesn't need anything else._ _

__The tiny gap between them is non-existent. Steve’s bigger body presses firmly against Bucky's own and he effectively forgets what year, month or day it is._ _

__Steve's hands roam down Bucky's sides to his hips, gripping painfully but there's not a single cell in his body that wants to complain._ _

__It feels _real_. It's not something that's going to slip through his fingers. _ _

__Any coherent thoughts vanish as the kiss becomes more heated, until there are none left the second Steve licks into Bucky's mouth. The noise... that leaves Bucky's throat sounds alien to him but it only encourages Steve further._ _

__Their bodies are pressed together tight enough for Bucky to feel Steve's erection against his own and the sensation is nothing like what he's used to._ _

__There's a shit-ton of stuff they gotta talk about, but it most definitely ain't at this moment. At this moment, all he wants is to get naked with Steve whatever way he wants._ _

__" _Fuck_ , Bucky..." Steve murmurs against Bucky’s neck. Profanities from Steve’s lips taste better than he’d ever thought. He briefly notes Ivana watching them with a bored expression._ _

__"B-bedroom..." Bucky grits out and Steve's quick to obey, pushing Bucky towards the door as neither of them lets go or stops the desperate kissing._ _

__"What the –"_ _

__Steve murmurs and Bucky's brain catches up a second later._ _

__"That’s a closet, moron."_ _

__"Why do you have separate –"_ _

__"Shush."_ _

__Bucky bites Steve's lips, effectively drawing out a moan that makes his blood rush south and it takes all his willpower to let go of Steve. He grabs his hand, almost running to the _correct_ door and kicks it open. _ _

__Bucky’s never imagined he’d be using the superserum coursing through his veins to push Steve onto the bed but he’s very fond of it._ _

__"I should let Sam know –"_ _

__"Na-ah," Bucky interrupts, grabbing the hem of his own t-shirt and pulling it over his head. It ends up on the other side of the room._ _

__"He's still waiting," Steve counters, sitting up to pull Bucky closer by his hips._ _

__Steve plants open-mouthed kisses across his stomach, leaving Bucky breathless. His metal fingers tug on Steve's hair – earning a ravenous growl._ _

__"L-let him wait..." Bucky stutters as he looks down just to see Steve's tongue following the trail of dark hair until his jeans block the way. Steve doesn't seem to linger on it for too long and begins to unbutton them with alarming speed._ _

__"'s that how ma raised you, Buck?"_ _

__Bucky shoots him a glare that lacks any malice._ _

__"He lost all brownie points when he brought your ass here."_ _

__Steve's arms wrap around Bucky's waist and the smirk he gets makes his pulse stutter._ _

__"And thank God for that," is all Steve says before he takes the hem of Bucky's underwear between his teeth and pulls it down. Between that look and the way Bucky's cock hits Steve's cheek once it's set free – smearing the pre-cum over his skin – there’s no way he can keep up the bickering._ _

__" _Fuck...!_ "_ _

__Bucky throws his head back – trying his hardest to keep the strength of his artificial arm in check as Steve takes him in his mouth._ _

__Bucky had no idea he was capable of the sounds Steve keeps drawing from him. Their eyes lock – Bucky’s hooded and Steve’s more glassy with every inch he takes him deeper._ _

___He's so fucking handsome._ _ _

__So fucking pretty with a cock stretching those full lips._ _

__Bucky only has so much self-control and arches his hips into the wet heat. He expects at least a hand across his pelvis to make him slow down but all he gets is the most heated moan he's ever heard._ _

__Steve's insanely long eyelashes flutter in pleasure._ _

__"Jesus, _Stevie..._ "_ _

__Out of breath, Bucky’s rewarded with yet another lewd noise that sends his heart skyrocketing._ _

__Steve _sucks_ and that's when Bucky loses control over his artificial hand, tugging on Steve's hair way too hard to keep it pleasant. His friend pulls away with a groan._ _

__"I- Sorry, Steve, I –"_ _

__"No, I like it."_ _

__“ _Nghf._ ”_ _

__Bucky straddles him, slowly rocking his hips on Steve's lap and reuniting their lips. He rolls Steve's T-shirt up just enough to reveal his chest and brushes his thumbs against the nipples to get a shattered breath out of the swollen lips. Steve returns the favor by sliding both of his hands over Bucky's ass, the big palms covering both of his cheeks easily enough._ _

__Steve squeezes and that's fucking it._ _

__"Just _fuck me_ , Steve, Jesus, we can play later..."_ _

__Steve has to be on the same page because his fingers brush over Bucky's entrance, making his eyelids flutter._ _

__He feels Steve trying to kick his boots off but it won’t go._ _

__Not to mention the fact Steve’s still fully clothed._ _

__Buck arches his body, leaning backward to help with the boots. Steve's hand scratches down Bucky's chest and he wants to tell him to fuck off and just let him do this but it's _too_ good. _ _

__For both of them being super-soldiers, they turn out to be incredibly clumsy as far as stripping each other goes._ _

__“Lube’s in the drawer.”_ _

__Steve doesn’t hesitate to reach for it, taking the small bottle from the nightstand. His eyes briefly catch on something and Bucky snatches it out of his hand._ _

__“When was the last time you used it?”_ _

__“Expiration dates are bullshit, Steve.”_ _

__Bucky squeezes some of it on his metal fingers to make a point. Steve doesn’t argue for once._ _

__And that’s good – because there’s no time for it anymore. Anything that even remotely resembles pain is completely forgotten as Bucky finally eases himself onto Steve's cock. His body arches into Bucky’s and it's like there's never been any pain at all._ _

__A _different_ kind of electric current rushes through Bucky while he rocks his hips on top of Steve. _ _

__It erases all the bad memories better than anything._ _

__Steve holds his forearms up to connect their hands – fingers entwined while Bucky moves and Steve lifts his hips to meet him every time. The only concern at this point is how tightly Bucky’s vibranium hand squeezes Steve’s but even that fades away soon._ _

__Steve's inside of him, their fingers tangled and eyes locked the whole time._ _

__Bucky always thought he and Steve had been close, but he’s never realized how much distance there truly had been between them. What little intimacy he shared with the boy from Brooklyn pales in comparison to what he’s experiencing now._ _

__He's never felt such a blinding euphoria – no chair could make him forget all the bad like this man._ _

__When they finish, they're sweaty and out of breath. Bucky collapses over Steve to hug him. To hold onto him and to _be held_ through the afterglow._ _

__He couldn't be closer to Steve even if he tried._ _

__He couldn't wish for anything better than this._ _

__Bucky rests on Steve’s chest as it raises with each inhale. It's like being cradled, it's so soothing... They’re not done enjoying the afterglow but they’re not completely sated either. Steve’s cock pulses inside of Bucky – twitching now and then. It’s a very effective reminder of how full he is._ _

__Bucky’s body is more relaxed than it’s been in ages and he rubs his cheek against the broad chest. His fingers, metal and flesh alike, grip onto each side of Steve’s shoulders, deepening the proximity._ _

__"You know... I'm not going anywhere."_ _

__Steve's voice sounds raspy, deeper than it did before. It sends shivers down Bucky's spine and he clenches around him before the words truly sink in._ _

__Bucky looks up to meet his gaze. Steve's there, already waiting to lock their eyes once more. He could never keep eye-contact with Steve for this long, always worried he'd find what Bucky had kept hiding from him._ _

__He can't get enough of it now._ _

__"Even if you gave me all the stones, I wouldn't."_ _

__Bucky swallows, his throat becoming unpleasantly tight and he rests his cheek on Steve's chest._ _

__"You say that now," Buck murmurs – but Steve's fingers force his chin up._ _

__The determination in his face makes Bucky’s heart skip a beat._ _

__Steve shakes his head. "I mean it."_ _

__He lets the words settle before adding, "I ain't losin' you again, Buck."_ _

__"You never know when to shut up, do you?" Bucky murmurs hastily as he kisses him and rocks his hips again, making Steve moan in his mouth._ _

__"I _m-mean_ it," Steve pants out breathlessly but Bucky doesn't stop moving. _ _

__He also doesn't expect Steve to suddenly flip them over, slamming his hips against Bucky's skin. He arches his back, letting out a loud whimper as his sweet spot's hit with punishing precision._ _

__“Till the end,” Steve begins, but stops when he sees Bucky’s eyes water._ _

__It takes a bit longer than he would have liked to and shakes his head as he caresses Steve’s cheek._ _

__“Nah,” Bucky whispers. “ _Beyond_ the line.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!  
> ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡ * _hugs_ * Comments and kudos are much appreciated! ^^
> 
> PS: Feel free to check out my fix-it sketches on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/BlushIncarnate/status/1124294324819251205) OR [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BxAR4JHj2cC/) OR [Tumblr](https://blush-incarnate.tumblr.com/post/184619973055/there-thats-better-ps-long-long-time-ago-is) ^^


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